The Big Book of Lies

It's not big and it's not a book

  • TIRED OF THE TRUTH?

    Impress your friends and startle your enemies with a never-ending* series of incredible facts, figures and news reports, all of which are COMPLETELY UNTRUE! Why waste time on the truth when complete rubbish is so much more interesting?

    We update DAILY* so come back and bone up on the latest in complete and utter bollocks regularly!

    * - this may also be a lie.

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  • Credit where Credit is Due

    With thanks and credit to Monty Python and The Hackenthorpe Book of Lies (p.74, The Brand New Monty Python Bok), which amused me immensely as a teenager and eventually helped inspire the site you are reading now. Not an ENTIRELY wasted youth then.

Arthur St John Bodysnatcher Released from Prison

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on November 6, 2011

St John Bodysnatcher, watched over by prison guard 'Brutus'.

Big Book of Lies founder Arthur St John Bodysnatcher is at last free after spending 18 months in a Bolivian prison, having been falsely convicted of running a bare knuckle ocelot fighting ring. Kept under 24 hour guard to prevent his escape or possibly spreading eruditeness throughout the prison, St John Bodysnatcher was unable to communicate with Jabber Grimshaw and pass him the closely guarded Book of Lies password – also, as a functional illiterate and leading Mason, Grimshaw was incapable of maintaining the site in any case.

While still recovering from his ordeal, St John Bodysnatcher would like to assure his female admirers that he is determined to not allow this setback to slow him down, and is even now making plans for new, more extravagant lies, possibly performed live over the summer at top skiffle events.

Posted in Bad Wisdom Info, Celebrity, Crime, World Events | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The World’s Richest Man

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on November 6, 2011

Birkin has been known to spend money on trivial things

The richest man in the world has been confirmed as Stanley Birkin of Cleethorpes, England.

Birkin has an estimated £7000 (US$17) in his building society account and also owns his own terraced house and second hand car.Information about how he achieved such great wealth is hard to come by, with many speculating that he is involved with the criminal underworld.

He is frequently the subject of global protest, especially after it was revealed that he buys fast food as often as twice a week, blowing as much as £7 (US$500) each time.

Posted in Facts and Figures, Politics, World Records | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Portugal’s Favourite Film

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on July 23, 2010

One in seven Portuguese people have seen Lord of the G-Strings

The most successful film at the Portuguese box office is the historical epic Lord of the G-Strings – The Femaleship of the String, directed in 2003 by Terry West. Praised for its documentary realism and epic battle scenes, the film struck a particular chord with the audiences of Lisbon, where the film played continually for over over four years, with star Misty Mundae being a regular guest on local TV quiz shows.

Posted in Art and Culture, Celebrity, Film and TV, Sexuality, World Records | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The World’s Sexiest Woman

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on July 22, 2010

Hylda Baker, Sex Goddess

Actress and pop star Hylda Baker has topped FHM’s 100 Sexiest Women in the World list for the third year running. This is despite her dying in 1986.

Posted in Celebrity, Facts and Figures, Film and TV, Music, Sexuality | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Mass Murder Live on British TV

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on July 22, 2010

Geoffrey is caught on camera as he bludgeons his co-stars

In 1987, Rainbow presenter Geoffrey snapped during a live TV broadcast, and bludgeoned his co-stars Zippy, George and Bungle, as well as platinum-selling musical combo Rod, Jane and Freddie, before finally turning the hammer on himself. No reason has ever been given for the killings, which remained Britain’s worst children’s TV-related murder incident until the infamous Tinky Winky massacre ten years later.

The footage is now a popular staple on bloopers shows.

Posted in Celebrity, Crime, Film and TV | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The National Drink of Wales

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on July 22, 2010

Sambuca is the official drink of Wales, as decreed by the Welsh Assembly in 2003 during a particularly memorable sitting. Over five thousand bottles of of Sambuca – including the rare Off-Brown Sambuca and the popular Leek flavour – are consumed every hour in Wales, where it is particularly popular with children and the homeless.

Posted in Facts and Figures, Food and Drink, National Trends, Politics | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

We Have Returned!

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on July 22, 2010

Arthur St John Bodysnatcher is escorted to prison by four burly Siberian guards

It’s been some months since the last Big Book of Lies entry, and we feel that you are owed an explanation. It’s a dark and sordid tale…

In January, Big Book of Lies founder Arthur St John Bodysnatcher was arrested by police on the Turkish / Australian border, as he heroically attempted to smuggle fifty politically oppressed Marmosets out of Brazil. Sentenced to 427 years in prison, he found himself captive in a Siberian hellhole, where he survived by teaching inmates how to build working models of Brian Blessed from mashed potatoes and sweat. He also trained a local eagle to carry a message to Lies co-founder Jabber Grimshaw, who immediately began work on a tunnel that would stretch from Lies HQ in Scunthorpe to the walls of St John Bodysnatcher’s cell.

This task was completed in July, and our heroes sprang to freedom (though sadly, the fate of the Marmosets remains unknown). After a stiff cup of tea, St John Bodysnatcher declared that his important educational work found here should continue. And so it shall. Stay tuned for more amazing facts and figures, all entirely inaccurate.

Posted in Bad Wisdom Info, Celebrity, Places, World Events | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Facebook Wants Your Babies!

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on January 14, 2010

Satan Loves Facebook

Satan - the CEO of Facebook

Facebook fans should sign up to our new group, helping prevent the site from enacting it’s new sinister plans.

Starting this summer, Facebook – headed by Satan – will start charging people $100 a day JUST FOR OWNING A COMPUTER! They will also be demanding the sacrifice all all first born children to their God Cthulhu and be setting up death camps for all Myspace, Bebo and Twitter users.

The Big Book of Bad Wisdom has exclusive information that Facebook is in fact run by Satan, who is working in collaboration with Venusian invaders determined to enslave humanity. However, if a mere one billion people join this group, the slimy invaders will rethink their plans, and Satan will relinquish his hold on your soul – and, more importantly, not charge you to throw virtual sheep at people.

Sign up here

Posted in Art and Culture, Folklore & Superstition, Technology, World Events | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Christmas is Over

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on January 14, 2010

We’re back from our extended Festive break. Praise the Lord and look out for more exciting untruths coming soon!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

A Short Break

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on December 13, 2009

The Big Book of Lies’ editorial team has been away, unexpectedly called to hunt starfish in Guatemala. We’re now back – bruised, bloodied but unbowed – and normal service will resume tomorrow. We thank you.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »