The Big Book of Lies

It's not big and it's not a book

  • TIRED OF THE TRUTH?

    Impress your friends and startle your enemies with a never-ending* series of incredible facts, figures and news reports, all of which are COMPLETELY UNTRUE! Why waste time on the truth when complete rubbish is so much more interesting?

    We update DAILY* so come back and bone up on the latest in complete and utter bollocks regularly!

    * - this may also be a lie.

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  • Credit where Credit is Due

    With thanks and credit to Monty Python and The Hackenthorpe Book of Lies (p.74, The Brand New Monty Python Bok), which amused me immensely as a teenager and eventually helped inspire the site you are reading now. Not an ENTIRELY wasted youth then.

Archive for the ‘Facts and Figures’ Category

The World’s Richest Man

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on November 6, 2011

Birkin has been known to spend money on trivial things

The richest man in the world has been confirmed as Stanley Birkin of Cleethorpes, England.

Birkin has an estimated £7000 (US$17) in his building society account and also owns his own terraced house and second hand car.Information about how he achieved such great wealth is hard to come by, with many speculating that he is involved with the criminal underworld.

He is frequently the subject of global protest, especially after it was revealed that he buys fast food as often as twice a week, blowing as much as £7 (US$500) each time.

Posted in Facts and Figures, Politics, World Records | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The World’s Sexiest Woman

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on July 22, 2010

Hylda Baker, Sex Goddess

Actress and pop star Hylda Baker has topped FHM’s 100 Sexiest Women in the World list for the third year running. This is despite her dying in 1986.

Posted in Celebrity, Facts and Figures, Film and TV, Music, Sexuality | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

The National Drink of Wales

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on July 22, 2010

Sambuca is the official drink of Wales, as decreed by the Welsh Assembly in 2003 during a particularly memorable sitting. Over five thousand bottles of of Sambuca – including the rare Off-Brown Sambuca and the popular Leek flavour – are consumed every hour in Wales, where it is particularly popular with children and the homeless.

Posted in Facts and Figures, Food and Drink, National Trends, Politics | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Most Intelligent Animal

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on December 10, 2009

goldfish

Goldfish are now essential members of any scientific team

The most intelligent species of animal is the goldfish.

With a brain only slightly smaller than a human’s, the fish is noted for its highly sophisticated social structure and ability to learn. In the wild, goldfish live in communal groups, each individual building a sturdy nest for itself.

In California, scientists have successfully taught goldfish to recognise over three hundred words, and many of them are now working with NASA on the planned manned trips to Mars.

Posted in Facts and Figures, Nature | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The World’s Best Policeman

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on December 10, 2009

Baby Policeman

Charles Ballard is admired the world over

The world’s most decorated police officer is Charles Ballard, a seven month old baby from Bury, England.

Ballard has become respected for showing a maturity, intelligence and sense of decency rarely found in the police force, and has been awarded over twenty seven medals, citations and tankards by his superiors, council leaders, right wing tabloids and rehabilitated offenders.

Ballard is especially proud of the fact that under his watch, only twelve prisoners have mysteriously died in the cells.

Posted in Crime, Facts and Figures, World Records | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Most Popular Names of 2008

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on December 8, 2009

British youth

Cecil, Timmy and Scrotum discuss philosophy

The most popular children’s names in Britain during 2008 were:

Boys: Gervase, Cecil, Chavvy, Igor and Ignatious
Girls: Gertrude, Fritzl, Tracie-Kerry-Kylie-Beyonce, Ethel and Tart

This is the first time since 1974 that Troll has dropped out of the top five for both sexes. However, cultural historian Fifi Maleria-Jones commented that the ever-popular traditional British name was sure to make a comeback in a few years.

Posted in Facts and Figures, National Trends | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Ikea and the Vikings

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on December 8, 2009

Viking Boat

The first flat pack Viking boat


Ikea first opened in 710 in Sweden, and became instantly popular with neighbouring Vikings, who enjoyed the convenience of flat-packed raiding ships that came with a variety of interchangeable mastheads.

Posted in Facts and Figures, History | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

The Longest Novel

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on December 7, 2009

Night of the Crabs

Guy N. Smith's literary masterpiece

The longest novel ever written is Guy N. Smith’s Night of the Crabs, which was first published in 1976 at 7,659 pages long. While hailed as a literary masterpiece, the novel’s dense language, intricate plot twists and relentless levels of sex and violence (one death scene runs for over three hundred pages) proved too much for many readers.
Smith later relented, and produced a shorter version of the book for more simple-minded readers, and this became a standard text for schools in the 1980s.

Posted in Facts and Figures, Horror, Literature, World Records | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Action Man treated as a God

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on December 7, 2009

Action Man Nazi

Action Man - the New God

The Watabudi tribe in Africa worship a vintage 1970’s Action Man doll, who is dressed as a Nazi Stormtrooper. No one knows how the collectable figure arrived there, but the cult is showing signs of spreading across the world.

Posted in Facts and Figures, Folklore & Superstition, Places, Religion, World Events | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Something for the Weekend – a bumper collection of mini-lies

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on December 5, 2009

* Bankers work hard and deserve every penny they get

* Politicians only have your best interests at heart

* British television is the best in the world

* Religious groups promote tolerance and understanding

* Everyone loves football and is really excited about the World Cup

* Mark Kermode is Britain’s best film critic

* Fighting the war in Afghanistan reduces the threat of terrorist attacks back home

* Simon Cowell is the saviour of music

* Daily Mail readers are a tolerant, considered group

* Stephen King is a lazy slacker

Posted in Art and Culture, Celebrity, Facts and Figures, Film and TV, Music, National Trends, Politics, Religion, World Events | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »