Facebook Wants Your Babies!

Satan - the CEO of Facebook

Facebook fans should sign up to our new group, helping prevent the site from enacting it’s new sinister plans.

Starting this summer, Facebook – headed by Satan – will start charging people $100 a day JUST FOR OWNING A COMPUTER! They will also be demanding the sacrifice all all first born children to their God Cthulhu and be setting up death camps for all Myspace, Bebo and Twitter users.

The Big Book of Bad Wisdom has exclusive information that Facebook is in fact run by Satan, who is working in collaboration with Venusian invaders determined to enslave humanity. However, if a mere one billion people join this group, the slimy invaders will rethink their plans, and Satan will relinquish his hold on your soul – and, more importantly, not charge you to throw virtual sheep at people.

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Action Man treated as a God

Action Man - the New God

The Watabudi tribe in Africa worship a vintage 1970’s Action Man doll, who is dressed as a Nazi Stormtrooper. No one knows how the collectable figure arrived there, but the cult is showing signs of spreading across the world.

Cannibalism in Bolivia

Bolivia's cannibal feasts are family affairs

Cannibalism remains legal in Bolivia, and is often used to settle family disputes. Each year, the nation celebrates The Feast of Anthropophagy, where – during a three day public holiday – the sick and the elderly are consumed in huge street parties that have become popular tourist attractions.

The Origins of Cockney Speak

Cockernis had a primitive facination with shiny objects

Cockney Rhyming Slang was invented in 1974 by the CIA as a way of transmitting coded messages to agents across the world.

It was based loosely on the lost native language of the Cockerni tribe of East London, a small and inbred group of proto-humans that thrived in the Bronze Age. Cockernis were noted for their peculiar forms of native dance, which they would break into at the drop of a wallet, and their fascination for adorning their bodies with shiny beads and pebbles (or ‘pearls’ as they called them). The tribe was ruled over by a King and Queen, who were more often than not both brother and sister and husband and wife, and survived for many centuries before being wiped out in a violent civil war.

Morris Dancers in Myth and Legend

Morris Dancers were said to gather in small villages to search for puppies

There are numerous tales in English folklore and traditions surrounding the mythical creatures known as Morris Dancers.

In Devon, it is illegal to disembowel a Morris Dancer between the hours of 3pm and 7pm, except on public holidays.

In Cornwall, you may legally shoot a Morris Dancer should he knock at your door and demand four Garibaldi biscuits.

In London, it is said that should a pregnant woman see a Morris Dancer eating a banana fritter, she will give birth to a three-headed baby.

In Exeter, Morris Dancing is banned under pain of torture. Thanks to poor wording, this law also extends to anyone named Morris who is found dancing.

Superstition claims that Morris Dancers will steal first-born puppies for unholy sacrifices where they will summon up the Lord of the Dance on St Swithin’s Day. Even now, dog breeders will try to avoid mating with their dogs in the months before, should the birth occur around this time.

However, in recent years, the Morrismen Defence League (MDL) has tried to counter such claims, and is pressuring the government to enact a Morris Rights Law that will see the cult accepted as an authentic religion.