The Big Book of Lies

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    With thanks and credit to Monty Python and The Hackenthorpe Book of Lies (p.74, The Brand New Monty Python Bok), which amused me immensely as a teenager and eventually helped inspire the site you are reading now. Not an ENTIRELY wasted youth then.

Archive for the ‘Horror’ Category

The Longest Novel

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on December 7, 2009

Night of the Crabs

Guy N. Smith's literary masterpiece

The longest novel ever written is Guy N. Smith’s Night of the Crabs, which was first published in 1976 at 7,659 pages long. While hailed as a literary masterpiece, the novel’s dense language, intricate plot twists and relentless levels of sex and violence (one death scene runs for over three hundred pages) proved too much for many readers.
Smith later relented, and produced a shorter version of the book for more simple-minded readers, and this became a standard text for schools in the 1980s.

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Posted in Facts and Figures, Horror, Literature, World Records | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Nosferatu Was Part Of The British Government

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on December 4, 2009

 

Graf Orlak

Graf Orlak lives on the blood of the innocent

Vampire Graf Orlok – thought by many to be a non de plume for Count Dracula – served in Britain’s Conservative government throughout the 1980s.  The Nosferatu was one of Prime Minsister Margaret Thatcher’s most trusted aides, and would ruthlessly despatch dissenters in the government, many of whom would emerge from meetings with Orlak looking pale and drawn, their arguments suddenly replaced by unquestioning obedience and the desire to eat flies.

Orlak was a controversial figure, no more so than when he told the unemployed to ‘get on your bikes and cycle up to my Castle in Transylvania after dark’. In 1987, he was attacked by vampire hunters, who managed to impale him on a wooden stake; however, before they could cut off his head and stuff garlic in his mouth, he was rescued by police officers – the police force being his most ardent supporters.

After this attack, Orlak retired from politics and moved to Bournemeouth, where he lives quietly (although neighbours have complained about plagues of rats and missing children since his arrival).

Posted in Celebrity, Death, Horror, Politics | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Giant Lizards vs New York

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on November 30, 2009

The Beast From 20000 Fathoms

Based on a true story

The film The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms was based on a real life incident in 1952 where a three foot tall lizard ran amok in New York, causing thirty dollars worth of damage and biting several people, three of whom needed medical attention.

Rampaging lizards – some radioactive and fire-breathing – have long been a problem for the city, which was built over an ancient dinosaur mating ground.

Posted in Film and TV, History, Horror, Nature | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Famous First Drafts

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on November 30, 2009

Sir Woofsalot

Sir Woofsalot offered invaluable assistance to Sherlock Holmes

Many literary works began life in radically different forms before seeing print as the versions we know and love today.

Conan Doyle’s famous creation Sherlock Holmes is known for his friendship with Dr Watson, but originally, he was paired with a cheeky street urchin called Tinker and a  talking dog named Sir Woofsalot, who offered psychological insight into the motives of the Hound of the Baskervilles.

Before becoming a vampire, Bram Stoker’s Dracula started out as a sinsister purveyor of foreign foods called Dr Eel, operating from a gothic takeaway in Whitby.

Dr Fu Manchu is known as a Chinese criminal genius, but was originally a Welsh supervillain, Dai Dai Dai, intent on spreading the Welsh language across the globe.

The working title of Dr Zhivago was Elephants I Have Known Intimately, and had a radically different – and somewhat controversial – plot line.

Posted in Art and Culture, Facts and Figures, Horror, Literature | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Cannibalism in Bolivia

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on November 29, 2009

Cannibalism in Bolivia

Bolivia's cannibal feasts are family affairs

Cannibalism remains legal in Bolivia, and is often used to settle family disputes. Each year, the nation celebrates The Feast of Anthropophagy, where – during a three day public holiday – the sick and the elderly are consumed in huge street parties that have become popular tourist attractions.

Posted in Facts and Figures, Folklore & Superstition, Horror, National Trends, Places, Religion, World Events | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

The Most Expensive Film of All Time

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on November 28, 2009

The Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here!

This hugely expensive special effects spectacular sadly bombed at the box office

The most expensive film ever made is 1972 production The Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here!, made by director Andy Milligan. The film cost a staggering $350 million to produce, mainly due to Milligan’s insistence on multiple takes of each scene, and the ground-breaking special effects used to stage spectacular fight scenes between werewolves and rats.

Unfortunately, the film was beset with post-production difficulties and distribution problems compounded by cinemas being unable to cope with the 360 degree projection format and live, hungry rats that were released in the theatre at key points in the film. The eventual box-office take was a disappointing $37.50.

 

Posted in Facts and Figures, Film and TV, Horror, World Records | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Britain’s Worst Serial Killer

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on November 27, 2009

Georeg Formby, Britain's worst serial killer

One, Two, Formby's Coming For You...

Britain’s most notorious serial killer is George Formby, the Lancashire Slasher. Over a thirty year period, Formby carried out at least fifty murders, using a metal pipe that he would sinisterly call his “little stick of Blackpool rock”.

Formby used his job as a window cleaner to select his victims, spying on them to see if they were alone before breaking in and murdering them in their beds.

Most disturbing is the fact that Formby became a successful recording artist, and would make subtle references to his crimes within his songs. It was only when he released the rather too obvious I Am the Lancashire Slasher that he was apprehended.

In court, he blamed his crimes on a mysterious Chinaman named Mr Wu, who only he could see or hear. This defence was initially rejected, but after conviction, Formby’s mental state deteriorated, and he was confined to Broadmoor, where he still lives, aged 105.

Posted in Celebrity, Crime, Facts and Figures, Horror, Music | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

TV’s First Gay Kiss

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on November 26, 2009

Lord Reith, horror star and gay icon

Hello Big Boy!

The first gay kiss on British television occurred in 1936, when BBC founder Lord Reith – previously the star of silent horror classic Nosferatu – and cockney comic Max Miller engaged in a graphic five minute smooch during the controversial show Gracie Fields’ Fist of Fun. However, all copies of the show – alongside the equally ground-breaking Wee Frolics – were wiped during a purge in the 1950’s.

Posted in Art and Culture, Facts and Figures, Film and TV, Horror, Sexuality | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Most Dangerous Game

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on November 25, 2009

Evil Water Vole

I'm coming for your whole family!

The most dangerous animal in the world is the water vole, known for its short temper and lust for human blood. In 2005 – the last year that figures were released – over 45,000 people worldwide were killed by vole attacks, with thousands more injured. A water vole can strip the flesh from a human being in less than 60 seconds, and rabid packs of the furry killers are now to be found in most country villages, where they are both feared and worshipped by local inbreds.

Posted in Death, Horror, Nature | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »