The Big Book of Lies

It's not big and it's not a book

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  • Credit where Credit is Due

    With thanks and credit to Monty Python and The Hackenthorpe Book of Lies (p.74, The Brand New Monty Python Bok), which amused me immensely as a teenager and eventually helped inspire the site you are reading now. Not an ENTIRELY wasted youth then.

Archive for the ‘Politics’ Category

The World’s Richest Man

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on November 6, 2011

Birkin has been known to spend money on trivial things

The richest man in the world has been confirmed as Stanley Birkin of Cleethorpes, England.

Birkin has an estimated £7000 (US$17) in his building society account and also owns his own terraced house and second hand car.Information about how he achieved such great wealth is hard to come by, with many speculating that he is involved with the criminal underworld.

He is frequently the subject of global protest, especially after it was revealed that he buys fast food as often as twice a week, blowing as much as £7 (US$500) each time.

Posted in Facts and Figures, Politics, World Records | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The National Drink of Wales

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on July 22, 2010

Sambuca is the official drink of Wales, as decreed by the Welsh Assembly in 2003 during a particularly memorable sitting. Over five thousand bottles of of Sambuca – including the rare Off-Brown Sambuca and the popular Leek flavour – are consumed every hour in Wales, where it is particularly popular with children and the homeless.

Posted in Facts and Figures, Food and Drink, National Trends, Politics | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Something for the Weekend – a bumper collection of mini-lies

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on December 5, 2009

* Bankers work hard and deserve every penny they get

* Politicians only have your best interests at heart

* British television is the best in the world

* Religious groups promote tolerance and understanding

* Everyone loves football and is really excited about the World Cup

* Mark Kermode is Britain’s best film critic

* Fighting the war in Afghanistan reduces the threat of terrorist attacks back home

* Simon Cowell is the saviour of music

* Daily Mail readers are a tolerant, considered group

* Stephen King is a lazy slacker

Posted in Art and Culture, Celebrity, Facts and Figures, Film and TV, Music, National Trends, Politics, Religion, World Events | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Nosferatu Was Part Of The British Government

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on December 4, 2009

 

Graf Orlak

Graf Orlak lives on the blood of the innocent

Vampire Graf Orlok – thought by many to be a non de plume for Count Dracula – served in Britain’s Conservative government throughout the 1980s.  The Nosferatu was one of Prime Minsister Margaret Thatcher’s most trusted aides, and would ruthlessly despatch dissenters in the government, many of whom would emerge from meetings with Orlak looking pale and drawn, their arguments suddenly replaced by unquestioning obedience and the desire to eat flies.

Orlak was a controversial figure, no more so than when he told the unemployed to ‘get on your bikes and cycle up to my Castle in Transylvania after dark’. In 1987, he was attacked by vampire hunters, who managed to impale him on a wooden stake; however, before they could cut off his head and stuff garlic in his mouth, he was rescued by police officers – the police force being his most ardent supporters.

After this attack, Orlak retired from politics and moved to Bournemeouth, where he lives quietly (although neighbours have complained about plagues of rats and missing children since his arrival).

Posted in Celebrity, Death, Horror, Politics | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Royal Family are Aliens

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on December 3, 2009

Ming the Merciless

Ming the Merciless is seventh in line for the British throne

Britain’s Royal Family are descended from aliens.

Queen Elizabeth II, her ill-informed, gobby son and the rest of the royal pack – both legitimate and otherwise – can trace their lineage back to invading Venusians in 1765. The aliens landed in Britain and kidnapped George III, forcing him to procreate with the Venusian Queen. The couple eventually fell in love, and moved back to Earth, where her offspring eventually inherited the British throne.

The British-Venusian Royal connection was severed when the reigning Vensuian Queen Minginella converted to Catholicism in 1843. In more recent years, however, the Venusians have reverted back to their original faith and so are now a full part of the royal lineage again.

Posted in History, Politics, Religion | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

President Mouse

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on November 25, 2009

The First Family of Bavaria

The First Family of Bavaria

The President of Bavaria is a mouse named Stan, who has held the position for twelve years.

Posted in Facts and Figures, Nature, Politics, World Events | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

One Eyed Monsters

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on November 25, 2009

You looking at me?

Both British Prime Minister Gordon Brown and right wing BNP leader Nick Griffin lost an eye while engaged in the dangerous and illegal sport of marmoset wrestling. The sport was outlawed in 1977 after a series of underground ‘marmo-fight’ clubs were uncovered in Wales, where Brown and Griffin were living in a squat together, fighting for money to support their egg habits.

Posted in Crime, Nature, Politics | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »