The Big Book of Lies

It's not big and it's not a book

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    Impress your friends and startle your enemies with a never-ending* series of incredible facts, figures and news reports, all of which are COMPLETELY UNTRUE! Why waste time on the truth when complete rubbish is so much more interesting?

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  • Credit where Credit is Due

    With thanks and credit to Monty Python and The Hackenthorpe Book of Lies (p.74, The Brand New Monty Python Bok), which amused me immensely as a teenager and eventually helped inspire the site you are reading now. Not an ENTIRELY wasted youth then.

Posts Tagged ‘Criminal’

Arthur St John Bodysnatcher Released from Prison

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on November 6, 2011

St John Bodysnatcher, watched over by prison guard 'Brutus'.

Big Book of Lies founder Arthur St John Bodysnatcher is at last free after spending 18 months in a Bolivian prison, having been falsely convicted of running a bare knuckle ocelot fighting ring. Kept under 24 hour guard to prevent his escape or possibly spreading eruditeness throughout the prison, St John Bodysnatcher was unable to communicate with Jabber Grimshaw and pass him the closely guarded Book of Lies password – also, as a functional illiterate and leading Mason, Grimshaw was incapable of maintaining the site in any case.

While still recovering from his ordeal, St John Bodysnatcher would like to assure his female admirers that he is determined to not allow this setback to slow him down, and is even now making plans for new, more extravagant lies, possibly performed live over the summer at top skiffle events.

Posted in Bad Wisdom Info, Celebrity, Crime, World Events | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Bananas – the Silent Killer

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on December 1, 2009

Deadly Bananas

Bananas are the new weapon of choice for criminal gangs

Bananas are the world’s deadliest fruit.

The lethal fruit is favoured by Brazilian street gangs who use it to stab their victims, and its use has recently begun to spread across the world. The banana is popular not only for its lethal sharp ends and ergonomic nature, but also because  eating the banana often destroys all evidence of a crime, while the slippery skin can be used to slow down persuading law-enforcement officers.

Several attempts have been made to outlaw the sale of bananas, but only in Britain – where the fruit is illegal to sell to under 18’s and where the carrying of concealed bananas can result in three years in prison – has this been at all successful, thanks to a vocal and politically powerful Banana lobby.

Posted in Crime, Death, Food and Drink, National Trends | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Famous First Drafts

Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on November 30, 2009

Sir Woofsalot

Sir Woofsalot offered invaluable assistance to Sherlock Holmes

Many literary works began life in radically different forms before seeing print as the versions we know and love today.

Conan Doyle’s famous creation Sherlock Holmes is known for his friendship with Dr Watson, but originally, he was paired with a cheeky street urchin called Tinker and a  talking dog named Sir Woofsalot, who offered psychological insight into the motives of the Hound of the Baskervilles.

Before becoming a vampire, Bram Stoker’s Dracula started out as a sinsister purveyor of foreign foods called Dr Eel, operating from a gothic takeaway in Whitby.

Dr Fu Manchu is known as a Chinese criminal genius, but was originally a Welsh supervillain, Dai Dai Dai, intent on spreading the Welsh language across the globe.

The working title of Dr Zhivago was Elephants I Have Known Intimately, and had a radically different – and somewhat controversial – plot line.

Posted in Art and Culture, Facts and Figures, Horror, Literature | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »